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- Untimely Report
- February
2007 -

New 'Grateful Dead' Logo
for Starbucks Coffee

Starbucks Coffee's recent decision to raise drink prices seems to mysteriously coincide with the discovery that the U.S. Agriculture Department paid $1.1 billion to more than 170,000 deceased farmers. Apparently, only the dead can now afford going to Starbucks.

Consequently, Starbucks' logo was redesigned using the Grateful Dead insignia (click thumbnail to enlarge).


Giant Jellyfish Discovered
Facing the dangers of the Thanksgiving holiday, scientists report that many turkeys have adopted a secret identity. One such example is the "Teacock" (click thumbnail below to enlarge). This vane yet elusive bird is known for producing the sound of "Google, Google".

Likewise, shark hunting has driven certain species of sharks to utilize creative camouflage techniques. Among them, the most notorious is the "Land Shark", who makes use of its stealthy appearance to sneak up on unsuspecting victims at the beach (click thumbnail above to enlarge).


Ford Promises to Blow the Competition Away
The paternity lawsuit surrounding Anna Nicole Smith's new baby has come to an unexpected ending, as a new piece of evidence, never seen before, revealed the true identity of the baby's father (click thumbnail to enlarge).


Marsupial Elephants Discovered in Australia
Responding to the rise in insurgent activity throughout Afghanistan, the US Army plans to deploy a new breed of weapon, specifically designed for the unique environment of the Afghan mountains, code named the Sling-Goat (click thumbnail on right to enlarge).


"This is an autonomous, stealthy and highly adaptive weapon of grass destruction" says General Oldmac Donald, who coordinates the so-called "Silence of the Lambs" project.

 If proven successful, this weapon will open the door for other farm animal based devices, such as the RAM Launcher (click thumbnail to on left to enlarge).


Formula-1 Hospital
As  hospitals nationwide struggle to speed up treatment , the newly opened "Formula-1 Hospital" employs former car racing pit crews, along with their equipment, to perform speedy procedures and reduce its patients stay time (click thumbnail to enlarge).

According to hospital manager and former race driver, "Doctor X", this enables the hospital to 

combine in one session two distinct medical  procedures, such as C-section and Liposuction (now dubbed "Lipo-Section").



Special: Mona Lisa to Star in a new Family Sitcom
A new family show, "LiseAnne", planned to air soon, features no other than the Mona Lisa in the lead role, depicting a raunchy yet witty mother of four (click thumbnail on right to enlarge). 

The idea for casting Mona Lisa as a motherly character followed a recent discovery, revealing that she had just given birth to her second son before modeling for the famous painting.

Just like Kim Basinger and Anna Nicole Smith, Mona has abandoned her modeling career in favor of acting. She made her debut last summer, when appearing in the controversial movie "The Da-Vinci Code", and demonstrated her improvisation talent in some unscripted scenes (click thumbnail on left to enlarge).



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