Illustrated Satire News and more...

Secret Program Revealed:

Navy Tests New After-Life Weapon

A new experimental program, directed by the U.S. Navy, makes it possible for civilians to serve their country after their death, while substantially cutting on funeral expenses. Participants of RIP (Rapid Interment Program) will be buried at sea by means of cartridge-like caskets, which will be fired at enemy targets from a special departure platform - see image below.

AfterLife Weapon

Based on the current Rolling Airframe Missile (RAM), the RIP launcher was adapted by the Write-you-off Company (formerly a division of Raytheon) to launch titanium-made caskets filled with explosives. A nuclear version is considered as well, for those who prefer cremation.

Couples who wish to be buried side by side are offered an optional, dual GPS navigation system, which ensures a joint burial within a radius of one mile.

Admiral O. Penn Graves, the Navy program manager, reports that initial tests, conducted at sea aboard the USS Death-On-Tour, demonstrated a 100% kill rate.

"The new weapon cannot be classified as suicide bombing, since the participants are dead previously to the launch" summarizes Captain Mike Grim, RIP PR rep - "but this is as close as we can get."

Add Your Comment