Following Severe Budget Cuts:
Russian Air Force Hires
Wile E. Coyote as Defense Advisor
In a desperate attempt to recover Russia's air defense from its
deplorable state, Russian Air Force authorities have recently hired Wile E.
Coyote as a special defense advisor, said Anatoly Shamanov, the former commander
of the Russian air force, at a round table meeting held last Wednesday in
Over the last fifty years, Wile E. Coyote has gained world recognition
as a resourceful and ingenious weapons expert, a consequence of his countless
attempts to capture the illusive Road Runner. These attempts often involved
setting up complex contraptions comprising ballistics, explosives, flying machines,
catapults, boulders and bird seed.
Along with his weaponry and engineering expertise, Wile E. has
established himself as a proficient trapeze and freefall artist.
These qualifications, along with modest compensation requirements (a
line of credit with the ACME company) have made Mr. Coyote the ideal candidate
for the advisor position, despite his less-than-perfect success record in actually seizing the vexing bird.
The long time relationship of Wile E. Coyote with the ACME company will
benefit his new employers as well, as Shamanov hopes to replenish the aging
arsenal of the Russian air defense, currently consisting of the ancient S-50
"Russia needs an inexpensive but reliable space defense system,
capable of protecting it from air and space strikes, and this is exactly what the ACME S-400 is going to provide us" (see picture below).